MJ

It’s never like it,

Not that I liked it, liking it, neither will like it,

You disliking it,

The things that I did not do and the things that I did

It never felt like it,

Having problems between us

Far apart we stay and sit

Not texting nor talking, not minding we’re at

I am so disliking it!

It’s a bad feeling

Inside me I am crying

Our sweetness I am missing

The apathy between us I am hating

Clueless I stay

Incomplete becomes my day

A lot of things I want to stay

Shout at me you may

Just don’t let things remain this way

It’s like I am not sorry

I am! Really I am sorry!

I beg of you to forgive me

Yet -

For you…

It’s never like I am sorry

Like strong winds from the east you came to me

Strong yet so free you were lightly blowing

No sign nor warning you appeared like bee

Not skin but to my heart , you gave me sting

So careless I went out and surrendered

The cold and the pain, just felt ev’rything

No aid nor refuge to me you rendered

Slowly myself it seemed I was losing

The trees; its leaves fall and die in the fall

All flowers lose colors, lifeless and dull

Farewell me, farewell me, I’m all for thee

Myself I had lost but not forsaken

Not saddened instead more of enlightened

Farewell old me, welcome the “I and thee”

Lost but found again, kept in someone’s heart

Know, feel, express love: keys to a great start.

‘Brace me like we’re sun and moon in eclipse

Or the sea foams running along the shore

Have fun like the street boys having their flips

Or simply be in bed and sleep some more

So when dandelions start to bloom again

I know the harsh wind will just feel like breeze

The road we will take is not yet certain

But having each other will give us ease

Of all people, I never imagined myself feeling this way. It’s as if I am a patient in some psychiatric ward who laughs and smirks all by himself, or like a resigned nurse who longs to be taken care instead of taking care of someone else. No matter what, it’s a lovely feeling.

Since that very night I first saw you, I felt nothing but bliss. I imagined nothing more but being with you, being next to you, and wrapped around your arms lying beside you. The little smile you first gave me that night is tattooed on my mind. Your eyes and lips have fossilized on my eyes. Above all, your presence had been my blanket in the past cold days lately. The only thing missing is the realisation of you and me being together.

All these times of my life, I have never felt something like this, not to any of the guys that I have been with. Of course it never felt something like this because I never loved someone, not until that night I saw you. However, I am not really sure if I love you.

You are not that beautiful of a guy. You’re not the Akihiro Sato that I have always dreamt of. You’re not even in my league. I do not even know you that much yet. I don’t know what good qualities you have yet. How could I admire you then? How could this be just admiration?

So is this love? I guess I will find out. Is this love at first sight? It could have been and it could have been not too. So what is this? I am not sure. What I am sure though is that I long for you; I want you and I want to be near you; I think of you almost always and it’s not tiring despite the fact that I could not catch a decent sleep sufficient enough for my graveyard shift or even think about my promotion or about the safety and wellness of my relatives and family. I surely am enjoying thinking of you because through that I find peace and happiness that I have never experienced so far. 

For almost a year now, I have been living all alone, something that I experience for the first time in my life. It was never easy. I go to sleep without talking to someone. I watch DVD movie all alone. I eat silently amidst strangers. It was a dull daily routine. Most of all, no “lambing” moments from family or relatives. It was tough.

By the day, I slowly find ways to alleviate that excruciating daily routine. I mingle with people. I eat together with new friends. I try my best to enjoy myself with people I have known just yet. It is not my usual “plastic” interaction. It is sincere but of course it is with people who I have come to consider as friends. In this little space, I would like to acknowledge them and thank them for everything they have done and for the friendship, which I pray would continue and will never end because it is the friendship that I have with them that made me breeze through the storm of living alone. My enormous gratitude to Ern, Davy, O, Glynis, Janet, Jalyn, Karla, Pam, Alexie, Janseen, Adie, Ela, Jacq, Tin2x, Cath, Sam, Jeff, Alrhasid, Audy, Carl, Keith, Lance, Jason, Jayson, Alvin, Arvy, and of course my mentors Karl Subang, Jasper Quidilla, and Ian Espina.

Now that a new year is about to start, and I am still living alone, I am so excited to experience what is there to experience. I believe it will not be as hard as it was, on the other hand, it will be something fun and enjoying. With my support friends, I know I can hurdle it all.

PS

Single or not, I know it will still be blessed. 

Another year had ended and a new one has just begun. Despite crises nationally and globally, each of us had managed to make it through it all. We deserve a pat on our back. Congratulations and I am proud of you!

What lies ahead is something that we are not sure of. It could be better, it could also be worse. It could be happy, and could also be sad, or worse, tragic for some and at some points. No matter what, we know we must make it and we will for sure. Let us just be as tough and as surviving as we were to make it one more time.

As of now, we made it again! Happy New Year Y’all.

It was all about Britney for 2008, her wannabe’s like OBAMA and Miley Cyrus, her bff Paris Hilton’s dog slaughtere by wild animals and 2M-worth of belongings getting stolen, and of course her onster hits Womanizer and Circus, and the fiercest album, CIRCUS. 2008 was all hers. I kept myself busy with her story, with how her life is going, I prayed for her sucess and sanity again. I think it’s time that 2009 will be all mine,

Forget her? Not at all. Just put her at the side show. I will pray for myself and watch closely at my affairs at work and romance. I will be more careful with guys. 2008 was a year of mess, messy looking guys and messy sex life. 2009 should be a neat one with Akihiro-looking guys and back to my chinito days. 

It is going to be all about ME. Jetsetting from one place to another is one good way and having photos of all sorts and with all sorts of place in all sorts of settings. It is going to be a great year - full of fun and surprises. This year it going to be a year of loyalty and stability with my hubby (if one comes along). As usual, no pressure and no need to hurry. Besides, I never have to hurry, the queue is always long.
2009.. what a great number. 2 plus 9 equals 11 and 1 plus 1 equals 2. Even number year, just like my birth number which is 4. Well, you may not understand this for you who are reading but numbers are very much important.

Well, enough of the talk! Great days ahead to everyone!

Everyone in the office is crazy over the 13th month pay getting taxed. According to law, this should not be the case. However, as explained, for a private company, 13th month pay could be considered as bonus. In this case, the 13th month pay could be taxable.

I guess the problem is that people were not informed about this. In the past years, something like this had not happened. Well, there is always the first time. Whatever the case is, people should have been informed. On the other hand, people should have anticipated this considering that US economy is not getting better and that the outsourcing industry had not been getting brighter too.

Things are not the way we expect them to be and I guess that’s the problem. We have plans and most of the time, we want these plans be concretized and failure to do so is a big slap on the face. So paying the billls in behalf of your parents, buying lavish gifts for special someones, and even going to a vacation will not happen, which is really the main reason why people are aggravated.

In the end though, the company is private, not all government laws could be applied, and all that we could hope is that the tax we paid will pay off in the next year. We may have lost some amount but I believe this amount could be used for a greater glory by the government.

Tax, dismisses no one and fears no one, could somehow be confusing and manipulative but that’s just how it is.

Past 9pm in Ayala Mall Grocery Department, and I and my bessy were about to pay our items at the cashier. Behind this around-the-40s lady was a cart, I pushed it aside and suddenly she gave me the face and tone, “I am not yet done!” My bessy in surprise expressed a loud, “WOW!” As she got her bag of corn, she actually hit my bessy and that’s when everything started.

Me: “Oh my god! She does not even know how to say excuse me.”
Bessy: She does not even know how to say sorry.
Lady: I am not yet done. If you are in a hurry, you can go somewhere to pay.
ME and BESSY in duet: WE ARE NOT IN A HURRY.
Me: If you have problems with the world, don’t blame it on us.
Lady: If you have a problem with your face, face it.
ME: Look who’s talking?!
Lady looking at us from head to feet: You have a face that only your mother can love.
ME: Excuse ME?!
Bessy: Look at your feet, the nails are dead.
Lady: Look at your hair.
Bessy: Look at your body (because she was big)
Lady: Do you have havaianas? Do you see my bag?
in duet again: YES we see your bag. Such an imitation.
Then we started speaking in Chavacano. She started speaking ill about us again.
In duet: WE ARE NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE.
Bessy: No wonder, menopausal stage!
Lady: Sagpaun tamo (I’ll hit you, referring to her bag). Do you earn 7k?

In our heads, we were just waiting for her to hit us with her bag at least we have a valid reason to hit her back. So the exchange of WORDS continued even until she was exiting the grocery. People around us were staring. I and my bessy apologised for the behavior. The cashier said, “ana jud tu siya” (she’s really like that). Grrr! The thing I was worried about was not about my best friend wanting to look for her and hit her so hard but about that lady acting so weird. She was so into saying, “You have a face that only your mother could love?” Well, I wondered, if my face is awful to her, how does she find her own face when she faces the mirror. I guess, just a guess, she has a problem with her physical looks. (^_^) and that her mother had never appreciated her face.